We are all so lucky to be alive! In little ways and big ways! Maybe it hits you differently than it hits me. But we must realize we are all lucky.
When I get hit by every avalanche in life there is a tiny weeny moment I feel like ‘Why me?’ It hits me down to the shallow ground. It took a lot of courage to stand up again and take a breath. But then again you walk. You run. You jump up and down in joy till it comes to the shallow cold ground again. As we were hit by the waves.
The first time I got into the swimming pool I was shivering. I was shivering with fear to take my feet off the ground. The first time I drowned I realized how much I fear water. But it wasn’t the fear of water. It was the fear of losing breath. Losing control over life. I have only managed 30 seconds underwater while my husband managed several minutes. For those few seconds, I lost control of my most precious thing. It was fear that still keeps me away from water. How silly.
In all these years I have always felt pain in my heart than in my body. It aches when I miss someone. It aches when I lose someone. It never stops. But as I always say, there is a silver lining in life. Those little smiles from strangers. Those laugh with our friends. Those long phone calls with our best friend. Those virtual hugs we do. Those silly articles we read. Those little brush strokes we make. That long lost tea you drink. Those hugs we have. It has the tingles to spark everything around. What matters most is the beings around us. The people. The people we love. The people we lost. The people we miss. The people we loathe. These all become a puzzle. Once it is all placed in, we have to search for the last piece.
I may miss the long strolls through the fall leaves. I may have forgotten the taste of French Vanilla from my tongue. I may have forgotten the roads that intersected. I may have forgotten the corner I used to keep my plant. But I can still feel the warmth of home. I can feel the rattling of fall leaves. I can feel the heart to heart conversations around the dinner table. I can feel the smile after having our favourite pancakes. I can feel his hand in mine. I can feel those tiny things that make me alive. I can feel myself in those moments.
Yes! We are all so lucky to be alive!