I wish life was a little easier on me. I never wish for a detour but I want a slightly less bumpy rough path than this. Today I am sitting here with one of the many hardest days in my life thinking about where I went wrong. What made me this desperate human being who is feeling numb and lonely amidst a lot many people. I think I never made the choice. This has come to me like everything else came to me. The more I chose to be happy, the more I lost sanity in everything happening around me. I have never tried to control what is happening around me because I have realized far back that it never works that way. Once we reach a point in our life, tomorrow is not in our control. Maybe it is not the same for everyone. Lucky are the ones who have control over their lives. Cherish that.
I never wanted this loomed gloomy serious face of me. But I think like all the people passing 30s I am turning into that grumpy one I never wanted to be. My emotional avalanches are sometimes out of blue. I wish life was a little easier on me. I wish I have more energy to spend on this universe. More energy to spend on this life. And I wish I can find that somewhere in between this chaos. The chaos I never signed up for!